Two million adults get divorced every year in the United States alone. This in turn affects over a million children.
The good news is that research shows that most kids do very well despite their parents’ divorce. The bad news is that this does not happen without diligent work by both parents. The child’s innocence needs to be protected from parents acting out.
If kids are used as messengers, or are poisoned against one of their parents the results decline significantly. 25% of kids of divorce develop some kind of psychological problem. This is compared to 10% of the general education population. A large number of children are at a risk here. Teens are known for acting out with, having their grades slip or develop some kind of drug or alcohol habit.
All parents owe their children the ability to stay innocent. They need to feel loved and safe and free from the adult worries we all have grown to know. The key to this is respecting the intergenerational boundary, that is the boundary between the adult generation and the child generation.
The biggest pieces of information to take away are:
Do not expose the child to ongoing fighting
Do not try to turn the child against the other parent
Put the needs of the child first
Try not to overshare, they do not need to know any details of the divorce.